Regarding an Incoming Complaint from a Client

Dearest Ombudsman Nekker,

I thought it best to contact you before you review the inevitable complaint regarding my conduct that is no doubt forthcoming from Councilman Tarren. The good Councilman didn't seem to take to me.

I have a good idea of what he will be complaining about, and I wish to set the record straight well before the fact.

First, let it be known that Tarren is an imbecile who spent an extraordinary amount of money to get an Inspector to figure out which of his household staff stole some baubles from his daughter. It was an ostentatious display meant to impress his peers.

I had the thief fingered within the first hour of my arrival, with none of the fanfare or pomp that the Councilman was apparently expecting. He balked at the fee when I asked for payment, saying that the effort was not commensurate with the fee. The good Councilman seems to think we are on an hourly wage.

We had some words in private, him and I. The man has more skeletons in his closets than they have in the catacombs. You'd think that if he knew he was having an Inspector of the Institute visit his home, he'd clean up after himself a bit better. I found three offenses in his bedroom suite alone that could have him tossed of the City Council. Once I mentioned this, he was content to pay the agreed-upon fee.

Still, I am sure that he will send an angry letter about my conduct and behavior, that I didn't treat him with the proper respect due his station, et cetera. The usual.

He might also mention that I propositioned his wife. This is a fallacy on several levels; it was his daughter, not his wife; and it was not I, but my bodyguard, Mason Alger, who did the propositioning.

I believe Mason's intentions were pure: he really, really wanted to sleep with her.

Pure does not always mean noble, you see.

My best wishes to your family.

--Ins. Cole Leverett